An anonymous person left a comment several days ago asking our opinion on this subject. He has since deleted it, so even though I have access to the comment still because deleteing the comment doesn't delete the email notification, I will just talk about it in general and not share specific stuff from his comment.
Basically, the jist of his comment was wanting to know what chances he has in the dating world as a divorced man. My thoughts? I think it depends a lot more on who you are now than anything that has happened in the past. For me, personally, I would be totally fine with dating a divorced person. And heck, if he fits the "criteria" of things I want in a future husband, then I don't see why I would have any problem with getting married to him, even if he had kids. the most important thing to me in a realtionship/husband is not whether he has been divorced or has kids or anything like that, but whether he is a good, solid member of the church, if I feel confident that he is going to work just as hard as me to keep our relationship/marriage strong, if he is or will be a good father, and the rest of the quite long list of things I look for in a relationship/husband. Maybe I'll have to post at least some of that list sometime. :)
So to you, anonymous commentor, I say go for it and good luck! I'm sure there is someone out there for you andm I hope you find her soon!
Let me open this up to anyone else who still reads this blog. What do you think about divorce and dating?
This is an interesting topic... thanks for bringing it up!
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8 comments:
I am currently dating someone seriously who is divorced and he has a kid. It's def hard. Esp since we are all young still (24). It is really a lot harder than you think-emotionally you have to deal with an ex and the battle of not stepping on toes with their kid etc. But I feel that people who are divorced should have the same chance as any other person as long as they are a better person and learned from their past. I don't think someones past should be held against them. But it all comes down to if they are a good fit for you and if you can handle taking on someone else's baggage. But it is hard. I hope he finds someone perfect for him who can accept his past & love him anyway so he can move on with his life and be happy.
I am currently dating someone seriously who is divorced and he has a kid. It's def hard. Esp since we are all young still (24). It is really a lot harder than you think-emotionally you have to deal with an ex and the battle of not stepping on toes with their kid etc. But I feel that people who are divorced should have the same chance as any other person as long as they are a better person and learned from their past. I don't think someones past should be held against them. But it all comes down to if they are a good fit for you and if you can handle taking on someone else's baggage. But it is hard. I hope he finds someone perfect for him who can accept his past & love him anyway so he can move on with his life and be happy.
I think it's fine to date someone who is divorced but like you said they need to fit your standards in the way that you know they will work for the marriage etc. Also, it's important that the divorced person has taken the time to get over the previous marriage and get to the place where they are who they want to be. Often I think divorced young adults rush into relationships again too quickly before really finding out who they are.
I agree with Summer that those who are divorcing or are divorced need to allow themselves the time to work through all the issues and "stuff" associated with that event. Its very difficult, especially when there are children involved. Also, please make sure that you take the time to understand what it means to be in a relationship with/married to someone with children from another relationship. The biggest part of that is that you never get to be the "real" parent, and there is always someone else in the middle of your family/marriage to some degree. For some people, that might be ok and they are willing to work with those things in order to be with the potential spouse. Please don't think that those who aren't willing to do that are saying anything about you personally, its just a personal choice like choosing someone shorter than you or taller than you.
I also think for me personally, it really depends on where the person is in their process after their divorce as to whether I would consider dating them or not. I don't say, Oh, they are divorced so I can't date them. But I am looking for what is going on for them at the time and whether it would be a good fit for me to be in their life in that way right then.
Wow thanks for all your opinions. It's been very interesting to read your perspectives! There are a lot of angles I never even noticed. Thanks again. :)
I have been thinking a lot about this topic lately. My younger brother is in a horrible, horrible marriage. A divorce is soon to be in the works and what makes it worse is they have a 4 month old baby. This is literally breaking my heart because my brother is SUCH a kind, giving person who treats his wife (and past girlfriends) with such respect and is 100% committed. I never believed in the "they became a different person after they got married" because I felt like maybe a person wasn't listening to the spirit when praying about getting married or there were signs beforehand that they weren't seeing. Sadly, I now am a believer of how someone can change for the worse after getting married and my brother is at the short end of that stick.
Long story short, I really hope that my brother can find someone one day who has as big of a heart as he does, that can accept his baby boy and the baggage that goes along with his soon to be ex-wife. I don't believe that a person only has one shot to find an eternal companion. When I was single, I was completely open to dating a divorced person possibly with a child - as long as he met the standards I was looking for. I hope there are still girls out there that think that way too...sigh.
I find this topic interesting. Being that I am a single father and have custody of my two little girls I always kind of wondered how women may view me. So this is good feedback. I do have one question.
Do women view a divored guy with kids differently than a divorced guy with no kids? The reason why I ask is because I had gone on a few dates with a woman who had never been married before. She told me that she had talked to her sister in law about me. Her sister in law was previously divorced as well with kids before she married this woman's (the one I went out with) brother. Anyway her sister in law said "It says a lot about him (refering to me) that he has custody of his kids." I always have wondered what she meant by that. What does it say about me that I have custody of my girls?
Thoughts to what she was refering to?
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