I seem to have really bad luck with the guys that are attracted to me. Really bad. I get the stalkers, the creeps, the awkward, the bizarre, and the just plain annoying guys. Wnat some examples?
Exhibit A: We met at a church function in our teens. He was from another state. We kept in contact through texting and emailing for several months, just as friends. He was pretty awkward and strange, but when we were texting and emailing it was easy to forget that. We were just good friends... nothing more, nothing less. I did, however, suspect that he might be crushing on me a bit, and I'll admit... I did go through a phase when I fooled myself into liking him. A year later, we met again, and went on a date. By this point, I was interested in someone else but quite aware that he liked me. It is easily in my top 5 worst dates of all time. The awkwardness that pervaded our date was nearly tangible, especially when he bashfully told me he "had a crush" on me (can you say "high school"??) and I gave a very nice, kind, and sensitive "I like you as a friend" speech. Then he blew up. I had never seen that side of him. He was so upset and said things I'm sure he regrets. but the weirdest part? When he got home, he emailed me, basically soliciting my advice in how to get over me and fix his wounded ego. Weird? I certainly think so!
Exhibit B: A friend from another ward that I met my freshman year. He was just bizarre. He was really into anime, techno music, computers, and hitting on any girl possible. He asked me on a date, and I said yes. I really need to learn how to say "no", obviously. It was a double date, which made it better... but my goodness, it didn't help much. We did some random stuff and then went to his apartment to play games. He turned on his techno music (some of which was not very appropriate), and after a few songs he got up and started dancing, if that jumping and twitching and flapping can be called "dancing". At one point, he was doing his "flapping" thing over ME, and I had this awful image in my head of my grandparent's rooster doin' his thang on a hen. I left very soon after, feeling thankful that I had to drive there because he didn't have a car.
Exibit C: He was (and still is...) in my ward. I am very outgoing, so I said he and introduced myself. We talked a few times... nothing too significant though. Than he somehow got my number, and I still do not know how. It isn't on my facebook and I can't think of who he would have asked since I don't hand out my number to a whole lot of people. Once he got my number, he really didn't stop texting me. I'd get texts any time, day and night. He'd flirt, try to get me to go on a date with him, all that jazz. I would either tell him no, reply with short 1-5 word texts, or ignore him altogether. Then it stopped for a few days.... and then he texted me asking me advice about a girl he likes from our ward. I kid you not, this was just days after he was hard core flirting with me. He apparently met her the day he stopped texting me, and already has his eternities mapped out with her by his side... haha. :) I think the weridest and most annoying thing about him is that he RARELY talked to me face to face. He basically only talked to me through text or facebook. Even (and especially) when we were in the same room. Lame.
What are some strange characters you've attracted? Now that I've told some of my stories I want to hear yours. :)
♥-Kaylee
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13 comments:
Dear Sister Kaylee,
while these do sound like strange guys, I hope you keep your mind open. I am certainly "weird" but all of the LDS girls I have dated have liked me despite my uniqueness. just be sure to recognize the difference between weird/out-of-the-ordinary and actually creepy.
The guy who only talked to you on facebook/txt: probably too shy to be rejected face to face.
the other 2 sound pretty strange and not like they're good at reading body language at all. I'm just sending this as a reminder to be sensitive to those who are introverted and different, because weird doesn't make you a creep or a jerk.
Anyways, a simple way to deal with guys like that: be direct but kind. there is nothing worse than indirect rejection/being ignored. if you don't want to date him, send him a very clear message that you're "flattered but not interested"...you could even give a because, but try not to give them something they could counter (because I'm busy is always bad, try being more direct: I'm into someone else, I just don't feel a connection with you, etc etc).
Personally I have a rule: if someone has the guts to ask me out (which when it's a girl asking the guy out, takes a LOT of guts), I will say yes to the first date because I feel that everyone deserves that chance. after that, you can give a fair judgment and a valid reason why not.
I hope you girls continue to post more often, I appreciate the insight into the female LDS mind!
Cheers.
Does "church function in our teen" equal EFY?
I found you via Miss Jill's followers list because your blog title is funny. I'll just list a few from my single days:
Dating Attention Deficit Disorder Dan. Mike the Math Lab Stalker. Tall Paul, who played bored (sic) games from 7 til midnight for our "date." Dave the Tickler.
ha ha Oh man pretty funny stories- but it sounds like you've handled them well with the kind responses and all. I know how the awkward thing goes except I say no when they ask me out and maybe I should try saying yes just to see how it goes. Once at work though, this guy just sat around and then came up to my desk (at a college) and handed me a note asking me out (can you say first grade??) it was SO awkward and then he just sat down and waited while I read it. Sooo terrible and I told him no but that's cause I was into someone else at the time but still those moments make for great stories. : )
Sing it Sister!! I'm pretty sure I have CREEPERS ONLY written on my forehead in ink only guys can read. I would do almost anything for a normal guy to ask me out!! I also (somewhat unfortunately) live by the rule that if he works up the guts to ask me, he gets one date. After that I reserve the right to be busy every single night and use my 5 minute boyfriend shamelessly. Be direct first, nice if you can be. Otherwise they eat up the nice, and ignore the direct. I hope you have better luck than me!
Once this gay guy kept texting me that he loved me and that we would be together after he was done fighting against himself
Wow! 4 Mormon women living in happy valley (and their faithful followers), jackpot! I only say that because I am looking for some brutally honest opinions. I am recently (almost a year now) divorced and have five kids. I would love to be in a relationship again, but seriously, am I marked, or what (The Scarlet "D")?
To hear some attitudes regarding divorced LDS men has been disconcerting, but, in your mind - what is reality, honestly?
You seem like nice, well-rounded women who respect themselves enough to tell people (men) the truth.
So let me have it. What are my chances out there in the future? I will even post anonymously.
I do have my own blog and could opt for the convenience of having follow up comments emailed, but I think that would "water down" the results.
I know you are all busy, but thanks for the insightful posts thus far!
Wow, I just wrote an entire blog about this exact subject—loads of material out there. I went out with a guy that put his finger in my mouth when I yawned, I almost bit it off.
I've encountered my share of "interesting" ladies.
These are the girls that go out of their way to create awkwardness despite absolutely any reciprocation. What they want is for you to ask them out and it's pretty obvious. They follow you around to activities, send their friends over to "put in the good word", follow you to the dessert table, and always find ways to cleverly touch your elbow or forearm.
While some of these things are pretty standard practice for a girl to do to get a guys attention, it's the persistence or the obvious lack of interest that really turns the guy off. A guy can decide in 10 seconds or less if he wants to take you on a first date. Shallow? Maybe, but most guys are pretty open to a first date.
While I can't say I'm a magnet for creepy girls, I've had a few pursue me of the weird, awkward, and strange. Reptile Girl (she had iguana's and snake's among other animals in her apartment, LOTS of them). Nothing's ever new girl. DTR after the first date girl. Awkward laugh girl (ok so it just sounded fake and forced).
Tips to avoid attracting the weird, awkward, and bizarre:
Ok so you can't always help initial attraction, but you can certainly have an influence on him asking you out (whether for the first or n'th time).
1) Don't give him your phone number! If he's really awkward and bizarre, don't give it to him. When the guy asks if he can call you sometime, respectfully decline. Stop it at the source. Sure, there is the ward directory and such he can probably get it from, but don't pull the age old trick of giving a guy your number just so he will quit asking for it. It will only cause him to call/text and lead to an awkward situation later.
2) Do not encourage him! Guys interested in you see friendly gestures directed towards just them as if you are inviting them to pursue you. Yes, be nice, but don't flirt.
3) Send the right signals! This goes right along with not encouraging him. Use words such as "friend", "buddy", and "pal". Yeah they may be a little corny, but most guys get it when you use that kind of language. You typically don't say to a guy you're interested in, "Thanks friend," or "It's always good to see friends like you." (I have a friend that's very good at this. Unfortunately, she also uses it subconsciously and therefore uses it as a non-committal tactic to guys she does like.)
4) Lunch date and double date! Ok so he's a bit weird, but he's active in his calling and as a Priesthood holder. He doesn't get the signals and insists you go out with him. Ask for a lunch or double date. Sure he may have asked you out for a specific time or to a specific event, but that doesn't mean that's what you have to do. Ask him to reschedule it to a lunch date (use the words "lunch date" so he still knows it's a date). If he insists he wants to take you on an evening activity, tell him you would like it to be a double date.
5) Do not let him cook for you! Think about when you cook for a guy you are interested in (whether it be baking cookies, brownies, or cooking a full on meal) and the signals you want it to send. Those are the same signals he wants to send to you. If he does bake you something, share it with the ward and make sure he notices.
6) Force his hand! Nothing is more awkward than the tension a weird, bizarre, or annoying guy gives off prior to asking you out. You know it's coming and can see it brewing. Take a moment to step aside one on one, and if that tension is there, ask him, "You looked like you want to ask me something. What's up?" He might fold, he might not.
7) Take one for the team! Ok, so you're taking one for your team of one, but most of the time it's not all that bad. And if it is bad, hopefully he thought it was too.
8) If he's just shy, use your judgment and please give him a chance. It takes guts to ask a girl out. Help him along. Most shy guys are just nervous and take things seriously. Help him relax and have fun. Even if it doesn't go anywhere, his future eternal companion will thank you.
9) Learn to say no! Beyond a first date, you need to be a woman and stand up for yourself. No more pity dates or feeling guilty. You need to step up and decline future dates. You need to ask him to stop pursuing if he continues to ask you out. No "friend" speech, that encourages him and if he hadn't gotten the hint before, this really isn't going to help (Guys, especially the weird, bizarre, and annoying, think they can get out of the friend zone. It only keeps them interested in you and prevents them from moving on.)
Tips to avoid creepers:
Creepers are creepy for a reason, they make you feel uncomfortable and are usually persistent.
1) Learn to say no! Typically creepers are shady and aren't very active in church. If this is the case, learn to say no, even to a first date. Don't embarrass him, but do convey the message you simply aren't interested.
2) Avoid situations where either of you might "owe the other a favor". This includes giving or receiving a ride, borrowing or loaning an item, etc.
3) Be direct! This means, never give the, "I like you as a friend" speech. Use the, "I'm just not interested" speech. If things progress, use the "Please don't call or text me" speech. You don't want to leave the door open or unlocked do you? Didn't think so.
4) Talk with your Bishop! If he's continually aggressive and shady, chances are he won't stop until it's dealt with or he finds someone else to creep on.
The first story fits me to a T. Now almost a year later he is trying to text, chat with me on facebook and calling me again. I'm nice, but in no way encouraging him along.
Wow, Ben! Great tips. I use the word friend as well in conversations but I also say it with guys I like which is probably why I don't really get asked out that often. Thanks for the tips on avoiding creepers.
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